I’ll never punish my daughter for saying no.
The first time it comes out of her mouth, I’ll smile gleefully. As she repeats “No! No! No!” I’ll laugh, overjoyed. At a young age, she’ll have mastered a wonderful skill. A skill I’m still trying to learn. I know I’ll have to teach her that she has to eat her vegetables, and she has to take a nap. But “No” is not wrong. It is not disobedience.
1. She will know her feelings are valid.
2. She will know that when I no longer guide her, she still has a right to refuse.
The first time a boy pulls her hair after she says no, and the teacher tells her “boys will be boys,” we will go to her together, and explain that my daughter’s body is not a public amenity. That boy isn’t teasing her because he likes her, he is harassing her because it is allowed. I will not reinforce that opinion. If my son can understand that “no means no” so can everyone else’s.
3. She owes no one her silence, her time, or her cooperation.
The first time she tells a teacher, “No, that is wrong,” and proceeds to correct his public school, biased rhetoric, I’ll revel in the fact that she knows her history; that she knows our history. The first time she tells me “No” with the purpose and authority that each adult is entitled, I will stop. I will apologize. I will listen.
4. She is entitled to her feelings and her space. I, even a a parent, have no right to violate them.
5. No one has a right to violate them.
The first time my mother questions why I won’t make her kiss my great aunt at Christmas, I’ll explain that her space isn’t mine to control. That she gains nothing but self doubt when she is forced into unwanted affection. I’ll explain that “no” is a complete sentence. When the rest of my family questions why she is not made to wear a dress to our reunion dinner. I will explain that her expression is her own. It provides no growth to force her into unnecessary and unwanted situation.
6. She is entitled to her expression.
When my daughter leaves my home, and learns that the world is not as open, caring, and supportive as her mother, she will be prepared. She will know that she can return if she wishes, that the real world can wait. She will not want to. She will not need to. I will have prepared her, as much as I can, for a world that will try to push her down at every turn.
7. She is her own person. She is complete as she is.
I will never punish my daughter for saying no. I want “No” to be a familiar friend. I never want her to feel that she cannot say it. She will know how to call on “No” whenever it is needed, or wanted.— Lessons I Will Teach, Because the World Will Not — Y.S. (via poetryinspiredbyyou)
Anonymous asked: If no one ever paid full tuition for college there wouldn't be professors or buildings or resources.....
Okay I get the whole “there’s a problem with your idea” thing anons like to take with that text post, but I’ve gotten at least a few dozen of these not to mention all of the negativity I’ve seen just added to the post, so at this point I’m just going to ask that we all stop worrying about it.
I’ve addressed these issues a few times, but this was literally an idea I came up with a year ago at 2ish in the morning with very little sleep.
Trust me, I know this plan wouldn’t work without a lengthy reform of the educational system and even then it’s still not the best idea I’ve ever had (I think that was banana-chocolate chip pancakes when I was five)
So in short one year and 370,000 some odd notes later this is the last time I’ll reply to anything about it with an anon.
If you’d like to come off anon I can point you to some of the other posts I’ve made about this once I’m off mobile.
Or I’ll just make a FAQ with all of that on it and call it a day